10 things people STILL believe, and it blows my freaking mind.

Ten things people still believe, and it blows my mind:

1) Creationism. That the Earth, no, the Universe, was created in six days, the seventh used for a game of golf. (What was the foursome? The holy Trinity and who else?). Apparently Creationists believe the world/universe was built a mere 10,000 years ago, or so. Especially curious this because there are fossil-y things that are a fuck of a lot older. Apparently there's an argument that the "Creator" made them look that old.

Why?

Really, why? What earthly purpose would there be to create shit that looked eons older than the lump of dirt that that thing was buried in? There is absolutely no explanation that satisfies that one.

2) In a similar vein, the "afterlife". Come on, really. Who are you kidding? This is the ultimate boogie man, a creature we should have grown out of before our 10th birthday. If you're good, heaven awaits (descriptions vary). Naughties go to hell (for a full description see Dante -- apparently he's been there. It's pretty well mapped out. Better than the other place. Makes you wonder). Personally, I believe that when I die, my organs will be harvested, per my instructions, I'll be cremated, per my instructions, and my ashes sprinkled over the local nude beach. That's MY afterlife.

2a) The ability to talk to those IN the afterlife. John Edwards has made a good living off his ability to guess regular folks stuff in a really vague and wishy-washy manner. "I'm getting the letter N". Really? One of the more common letters in the alphabet? I'd be impressed if he said "Does the letter 'X' mean anything to you?" And the person said "Yes! Xavier was my great uncles third cousins half sister." But no, it's always N or M or T.

3) In a similar, similar vein, ghosts. Demi Moore is cute (sorry, Mrs Kutcher is cute) but that movie was totally unbelievable. Vacuous, vaporous spirits wandering the earth because they can't get to the 'other side'. I thought we established there was no other side. Dead is dead. Not dead is not dead. There is no dead but not dead.

4) Starbucks is good value for money. This is a biggie. In the United States there's a Starbucks for every 14.3 residents (includes illegals). A Venti half-caf skim Cap is not only a shitty tasting brew, it costs in the neighbourhood of $8.00. For that amount of green I can buy a bag of ALREADY GROUND coffee that will provide for me, with very little effort, twenty venti cups. By the way. Venti? That's Italian for 20. What's that supposed to mean?

5) Dane Cook is funny. He isn't

6) Good blended malt scotch can be as good as single malt scotch. It can't.

7) There is a group of really special people that can see the future. Ha! They would put the lottery business under in a week. I had a 'psychic' tell me, in 1992, that I would be running my own business making cabinets by the year 2000. Slight miss. But I was wearing work boots, jeans and a denim jacket. Maybe I looked the part.

8) Jack Bauer is real. If only.

9) (and this MAY allow me to check out Dante's architectural plans) the supreme being. Deity. Creator. (kinda ties in with point 1. Good callback, eh?) I thought we were descendants of aliens (sorry, getting ahead of myself). I have a difficult time believing that there's a grand architect that a) knows what we're doing and b) judges us accordingly. Wait. That's Santa!

10) Aliens. Hmmmm. Green men, crashing space craft in Nevada...and why do ALL of the aliens seem to land in the States? I haven't heard of a single one landing in Bhutan. Well, that's a bad choice. Very hilly. No really good landing spots. Okay. You never hear of green-skinned googly-eyed visitors from a star way far away landing in the Congo. Wouldn't THAT fuck them up?

Bottom line, we are small, insignificant lumps of flesh, on a tiny planet, orbiting a mediocre star in one of a multitude of galaxies, capable of creating beautiful art, soaring symphonies, mind blowing technology, all in the real world. Accept THAT.

PANIC! FUD! HYSTERIA!

A couple of days ago there were 24 documented cases of swine flu (No, I'm NOT changing what I call it to keep the pig farmers happy!) in Australia. Yesterday there were 60. Today, around lunch time-ish we were looking at a bit over 100.

The newspapers have rolled out their barrels of hysterical ink.

"10,000" deaths in Australia has been mooted.

Some idiot spoke of the number cases doubling every day.

DO THE MATH MORON!

If we doubled every day, by June 15th, check the calendar people, that's less than three weeks from now, every single breathing human being in Australia would be infected with the pig that flu. And half of us would have it TWICE!

Ten days after that, assuming we keep this ridiculous "double every day" assumption alive and well, everybody on the planet will have the swine flu five times over.

Sheesh.

Perspective, like the kind I learned in first year Engineering, is needed.

Relax.

Don't let anybody sneeze on you (sneeze right back on them if they do!).

Do the handshake like Howie Mandel (look it up if you don't know what I'm talking about) and chill the fuck out people

Winter?

Lord Byron wrote: "The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August." Kind of the exact opposite of winters here in Sydney: Commencing in July, ending in August. I prefer it this way.

But enough weather talk, after all "Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative" (according to Oscar Wilde)

This weekend is the weekend that really, officially, unquestionably ends winter in the UK.

The final Premiership week, when fortunes will be saved or lost (none to be gained -- you can't be promoted above the Premier League, at least not yet).

An avid follower of football since my wee son (who now stands taller than his mom) took up the sport, this weekend tinges my heart with a bit of sadness. Regular team football at the highest level takes a break, and the selfish spectator that I am can't understand why they won't consent to a year 'round job, like mine.

There is still the youth football that is followed equally as avidly by all parents whose children are involved in the sport, but aside from that, and a handful of World Cup 2010 qualifying games (decisions are almost all completed on that front) it's going to be a dry spell. At least next year the end of the regular season will be followed by the World Cup in South Africa.

The end of the season, though, is always filled with last minute dramatics. Like will Hull beat Manchester United (scoff, scoff) and dodge relegation to the lower league? Will Sir Alex Ferguson play his under 13 team (he doesn't need to win this and has a cracker of a Champions League final next week), or will he field a team that challenges Hull? Will Newcastle United have a spectacular day (a thing they've been avoiding for the better part of three months), beat Aston Villa and dodge relegation?

All kinds of drama. (I know. Most people don't care.) And while I'm not a Newcastle fan, I'd hate to see that team drop a division. So I'll be up late tonight, flipping between the games (all games on the final day are played at the same time, the bastards), setting myself up for a very tired Monday.

At the Saturday morning games a group of five or six of us dads sideline-coach, exhort the players to, well, play, and discuss at length the ins and outs, ups and downs, of the Premier league.

After this week we'll have to actually focus on the boys on the pitch. We've got twelve more weeks of games.

Up to the 15th of August.

Up to the weekend that really, officially, unquestionably ends winter in Australia.